Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Current Events

Well, I have a laptop now. And a part-time job. You would think this would make computer time easier, but since I don't have internet, not so much. My new strategy is to type out my posts at home, then save them and take them to a place with internet to post.

Of course, that means I don't get to read all of your posts before I start writing, which annoys me because I use that for inspiration to direct my thoughts. But I am overdue to write about current events anyway.

DH ran out of work with the union a month ago. He kept doing side work for about 10 days afterwards, but that dried up and he wound up sitting at home for a couple of weeks. It was good, in many ways. We had a chance to really start building on the new foundations that have been laid. The boys got to spend valuable time with him. Eventually, though, the financial strain began to grow. Still no new work. And since he is still a junior member, he can't collect a percentage of his pay during the slow times.

I decided to look on Craigslist for temporary work. That wasn't very successful, but I did land a part time job as a receptionist in the local farmer's market. I love it. And that's how I got the computer. Some guy named Rusty, who reminds me of my family without the religious aspect, has spent two of the four afternoons I worked so far blabbing away with me about everything from the President and the Second Amendment to the origin of UFOs. I mentioned needing a computer, and it turns out his son refurbishes computers, so he got me a nice laptop and told me to pay it off $20 a week. Cool!

Naturally Whiz Kid just assumes it belongs to him, like everything else in the house. So this is the first I've been able to use it.

Meanwhile, DH got a couple of calls back about new permanent work. One was a dream job - very local, AutoCAD design which he went to school for, and field work too. (He originally abandoned CAD for construction during the big building boom because he hated being stuck in an office all day.) They loved his drawings, which they obtained from his former employer pre-Turd. They told him to start the following week. Then his driving record came through with the DUI, and that was the end of it. Their insurance company won't let him drive a company vehicle until three years after the SUSPENSION is over (it's been 2.5 years since the DUI), and they wouldn't accept him driving his own vehicle. He was devastated. However, the other job seems to be ok, it's just in construction again so I still have strong misgivings about the pay and the effects on his health. He needs something less physically strenuous.

Speaking of the Turd, it seems he is still screwing us over from the grave. The truck DH was driving had originally belonged to his sister, and he gave it to DH in exchange for the thousands in back pay that he could not come up with. We couldn't come up with enough money to transfer the title in the beginning, and later it seemed the Turd always had some excuse. After he passed away unexpectedly a few months back, his stepson began pestering DH to give the truck back. Of course he argued, but since we didn't have the title we didn't really have a legal claim to it. Neither did he, however, since unbeknownst to him his dad never properly obtained the title himself.

Well, the stepson is a state trooper. And a couple of weeks ago, the truck disappeared from outside the methadone clinic. It was parked up the street (their parking lot is miniscule), so although we reported it stolen there didn't seem to be any surveillance cameras nearby. And assuming that it wasn't the Turd's family who took it, which it may well have been, they are the ones who will get it if it is found. Either way, we are unlikely to see it again. It just figures.

So, mercifully, our neighbor just got a job where she drives a company vehicle. And we asked her if we could rent her car from her on a weekly basis. The job DH is doing now is pretty local, and she was agreeable to that. I am so thankful that at least one person we know isn't bent on making DH suffer the rest of his life for his mistakes, even if it means having us homeless. My mom actually had the nerve to mention to me how concerned she is to see him driving someone else's car, just in case he gets caught with some drugs and the car is confiscated. I resisted the urge to scream at her incoherently for the outrageous hypocrisy of wanting him to be unable to travel and work, but refusing to watch the kids so that I can work because I am supposed to be a homeschooling, non-working clone of her. Not to mention her refusal to support me in trying to separate from him before. Her thinking is so skewed. But this is between him and our neighbor.

I think my mom has enough respect for us to keep her opinions to herself except with me. But I'm sick of her attempts to passive-aggressively bully me into doing things her way. She doesn't want to watch my kids because they don't listen to her, and I don't spank them regularly. Also because she doesn't think I should be working. But she thinks DH can somehow obtain work by magic that requires no transportation and will support us all, if he just wants to badly enough? WTF? Not that she said that in so many words. It's just the obvious conclusion to be drawn from her "advice" and "concerns." Some days I am just flabbergasted to see how my sister describes her and think that this is the same person we are talking about. The mother she knows is someone I have apparently never met. Also, I can't help being hurt when she watches my neices and nephews constantly despite her busy schedule; and yet on the few occasions I get desperate enough to ask her, she is often too busy or watching the others. And my one sibling and spouse, at least, are not doing anything at all necessary. They are attending a bodybuilding/self-defense class twice a week.

I know it's not healthy to be resentful, but I am. I have medical exercise therapy I am supposed to be doing, and I don't because I feel bad asking her to watch my kids when she has so much else to do. But it seems that my brothers have no such qualms, and she is always happy to make time for them. What gives? I need to be working so that we can eventually move into a decent sized home, and get a vehicle of our own. But she thinks those are luxuries that pale in comparison to my children's need for my constant presence. Meanwhile it seems to have completely escaped her that she is now living in a 7-bedroom house with a huge kitchen, DR, LR, basement, attic, 3 bathrooms, etc., and there are only two more of them than there are in our tiny cabin. Which would literally fit into their kitchen and diningroom. Yet she still complains about lack of space. Any time I mention being crowded, I get a comment about the kids having too much stuff. Which they don't by the way. They hardly have anything. It just looks like they have a lot because there is nowhere to put anything away.

I tried to point this out to my youngest sister the other day. I told her that us living here is like them trying to live in the other rental cottage, which has two bedrooms and larger rooms downstairs. She scoffed at that idea, saying that is ridiculous because three of us are little children, and they don't need anywhere nearly as much space as adults. Ummmm.... What? She said that she and my other siblings have a lots of things they have collected over the years that they need room for. Oh, kind of like I DID TOO, UNTIL THEY ALL GOT DESTROYED FROM BEING IN STORAGE FOR YEARS AND YEARS, AND NOW THE FEW I HAVE LEFT ARE STILL IN STORAGE? You've gotta be kidding me. That's not even an argument. That's just downright "I refuse to admit that you have a point because it doesn't fit into my reality." And besides, Whiz Kid would certainly behave better if he had a room of his own, whether they choose to believe that or not. And they can think whatever they want about a child's right to privacy and personal space. The fact still remains that I have no privacy from my children, which is every bit as important as the privacy she takes so for granted and feels so entitled to herself. Seriously!

Then, there is the fact that my mom is so critical of my boys' admittedly dreadful behavior; but they didn't act like that before I went to work two years ago and had her watching them, and they saw my youngest brother behaving that way. I suppose she views their behavior as proof that I should not have gone to work. I view it as proof that she isn't doing any better with my brother than I am with my boys, and he has even less excuse for acting this way since he is nearly 16. But it does fit quite well with her view of children that she would hold a 7-year-old at greater fault for disrespect than a 16-year-old. Ugh.

I have become so disillusioned with religion lately, and I am trying hard not to let that carry over into disillusionment with my personal faith. I decided to go ahead and make an appointment with a counselor. I called my insurance and they said I would be covered, so I have an appointment next week. Maybe I can talk to her about the things I can't talk to my family about. And maybe she will prescribe medication to help with the claustrophobia, if that's even possible. I'm willing to try anything to survive this until we can move on.

I used to think, way back when, that counselors were for people who didn't have any friends.

Yeah. That would be me.

Even my mom had her cult leader. And when she lost her, she had a nervous breakdown and nearly died. You'd think that would tell her something, right? I guess not.