Monday, February 18, 2013

New Direction

I've been waiting for inspiration to strike and tell me what kind of blog this would be in the long run. I think it has. For many months now, I have been looking for reasons to remain connected to a religion. I believe in God, because random chance is just too farfetched an idea for me to accept; but sometimes it's been very hard to believe that He is anything more than a Creator and scientific observer. Evidence is strong that the idea of religion is born of mental and spiritual breakdown, and the need to explain things we can no longer cope with, or connect with something we can claim special powers from. Watching DH gradually lose all connection to reality as his addiction progressed, and the subsequent dark spiritual forces that surrounded us as a family, made this particularly sensible to me.

Long ago, DH's excuse for not attending church with me was that he believed in the Orthodox tradition. I wonder now if that was his way of ensuring we would never agree on religion, so that he would always have an excuse. Two years ago, when I became desperate enough - and disillusioned enough with the Protestant tradition - I decided to look into their beliefs. I was raised to vilify and abhor anything that could be labeled "Priestcraft," but it was clear by then that any form of religion out there was rampant with priestcraft, whether the leaders were robed or not.

It wasn't that I was disillusioned with our current congregation. Our minister was - and is - one in a million. The church is 200 years old. It's small size, local significance, and historic beauty appealed to me. The people were mostly elderly, kind and gentle people full of love for their fellow man. True followers of Christ. No one scowled when our kids fretted, they were always eager to lend a hand in any way it was needed, and it was only because I could no longer believe in some of the doctrines that I was willing to look elsewhere.

Also, I must admit, a new couple who attended for a while played into it. They didn't think our congregation was "friendly" enough; I guess people who minded their own business overall weren't evangelical enough for them. And when I got pregnant with the Princess, I started to feel like the church mascot, with him petting me every time he came close and the rest of the people starting to follow suit. It was incredibly irritating and made me avoid getting there until the service had begun.

So I googled "Orthodox Church America," and came up with a congregation in the next state that looked promising. There were a couple of churches closer, but they looked bigger and more culturally oriented. We attended an Easter service. People were friendly. They asked about our interest in Orthodoxy, and explained that much of the congregation consisted of converts. This was a big plus for me. The peace and beauty of the service was unparalleled by anything I had previously experienced. I couldn't wait to go back.

(I'm not going to label this a series, because the story is ongoing; but it will have to be written in parts as I have time.)

Sunday, February 3, 2013


I started ASL classes last week. I'm going to love learning sign language. It will take a lot more than I realized to become an interpreter, and I'm still not sure what degree I should pursue first. I'm thinking it might be good to start with an Associate's in Human Services so that I can start working in the Deaf community, and thus continue building the experience I need to become a well-rounded interpreter while I work on a Master's in psychology. Eventually I want to be an ASL-fluent art therapist to work with the Deaf, and a certified interpreter also. Good to have two careers to fall back on, especially since neither is a 9-5 steady job.

Since I have to study Speech-Language Pathology as part of my certification, I may end up working in that field for a time as well. I will be meeting with the college on February 20th to discuss the best course of study. I did well on the GED, and haven't gotten my CLEP scores back yet. I may take another exam or two.

I finally got glasses, thanks to my parents kindly fronting the money. I can see much better, and I have anti-glare coating which helps tremendously. I was not looking forward to attending classes without them. I'm going to start wearing earplugs to my ASL classes too, Our teacher is Deaf, and we aren't supposed to use speech at all during class, plus my tinnitus is getting bad again. So I figure I'll just wear earplugs. That will help remind me not to hit people when they tap me, too. Lol. I hate being touched, and that will definitely present a problem with non-hearing communication.

DH is continuing his downward spiral. He left his mom's two weeks ago and refuses to go back, because she was attempting to control every aspect of his life. But it's not like she didn't have reason to, and he is adamant about not going to a long term facility, so his real motivation is something else. He signed the custody agreement, and the divorce agreement should be finalized soon. I found out there is a warrant for his arrest on bank fraud charges. He tells me he is living on the street, and that by doing so he will prove to everyone how committed he is to staying clean. I really don't begin to follow the logic there. I can only assume he is not thinking rationally.

His mom talked to a woman purporting to be his therapist a few days ago, who says he is doing great and attending all his IOP classes and just wants to come home without being attacked. How do these people get fooled so easily? Is he still that good of a liar, or do they want to be stupid? Supposedly all his urines have been clean for the past two weeks. He has to be getting clean urine somewhere. I just don't believe he would choose to live on the street if he wasn't getting high. He lying about his situation, or he's tricking the program, or both. One of her clients approached her about missing gift cards, and even if he's not stealing it for dope (highly unlikely), his stealing alone is enough to justify not believing a word he says.

My paperwork came for my official acceptance to the KEYS program, so in a week I will start working at the college until classes start. This week I have to do scholarship applications. And practice my new alphabet.