Sunday, March 17, 2013

Wow. It's amazing how much avoiding Facebook can improve my mood. I should have done this sooner. Oh, and it saves time too. Lol.

I'm really sad to be missing the first three Sundays of Lent at St. Michael's. But it can't be helped. We have to leave at 8:15 AM to get there in time, and the flu just keeps going around... and around... and around... Ugh. It's hard to get up at 7AM when the kids didn't fall asleep until 9:30 and two of them were up in the middle of the night. At different times. And the dog wouldn't keep quiet. Even with earplugs I'm still lucky to get 8 hours of sleep at night.

Mom lets me put the Princess in the playpen in their bedroom after she wakes up for her 4 AM bottle. That helps. And for some reason she loves sleeping in there. I wonder if it has to do with the fact that the pillow smells like my Dad. She has started to really warm up to him since getting her glasses. She runs and hugs him when he comes in from work, and often Little Bear does too. It makes me happy to see them "adopting" him as a father figure. I couldn't ask for a better one, despite our strong theoretical differences. Actions speak louder than words, I have to remember, and that works both ways.

Oh yeah, the Princess has glasses. The doctor says she's very farsighted, and she definitely prefers to have them on unless she's tired. She has been cross-eyed since about 8 months old, so that's how we found out. She's still stubborn and snooty, but more sociable than she was. Also, she's become less interested in her musical toys and more interested in toys with faces. She calls anything with a face "baby," whether human or animal. She still loves music, though, and always dances to it by swaying gently back and forth. She's very independent and climbs like a little monkey. This forces us to confine her a lot more than I'd like to, for safety reasons. She figured out how to climb the bunk beds last week. She gets in all the cabinets and goes into my Grandmother's room if the door isn't latched, which is a real concern since my Grandmom has Alzheimer's and often takes her medicines to her room. She avoids taking them whenever possible and will hide them under things, but forgets and isn't shy about letting the baby poke around in there, assuring me that she has nothing dangerous out. I think she gets a little miffed sensing that I don't trust her with the baby, but it's not something I can explain. She will only feel bad and then forget soon after. I have to routinely check the door to make sure it's closed completely.

I asked the school counselor to put Whiz Kid in the lunch group again, and it seems to be helping. Getting to see a psychiatrist is a laborious process here, and the only way to speed it up is partial hospitalization treatment. That requires spending mornings at the facility and then afternoons in school for a week or so. I don't think that's necessary or a good idea, because he's doing very well in school and I don't want to mess with that.

Sadly, I can't escape the fact that as much as I want the kids to see their father, the boys seem much happier when we aren't seeing him every weekend. We had a dreadful visit last month which seemed to be a contributing factor to Whiz Kid's breakdown, and I told him we weren't going to visit on a schedule any more but just take it week by week. We didn't see him for three weeks. Then his mom paid for us to go to a museum and brought him with her (she asked me first), and he seemed fine that day. So yesterday we saw him again, but he wasn't doing well. It's so frustrating how unpredictable his behavior is. I really wish we didn't have to see him at all. I firmly believe it would be better for the kids, and I know it would be for me. I just struggle with the question of whether I have a moral right to end it flat out. I'm aware that I have the legal right. On the other hand, weeks like the one before last make me wonder if I have a moral obligation to end it.

You can't imagine how badly I want Spring. I am so tired of the cold, and the kids are so stir-crazy. I want us all to be active and alive again. My sisters have been taking them on ice-skating nights occasionally, which is awesome. I would love to go too, but I really have no time for socializing. Hopefully school will provide some of that without eating into my "mom" time. I can't wait for the garden to be in, either. My family always does one, and I don't have time to plant my own but I'm glad for the opportunity to work in theirs with the kids.

This weekend we're going to visit my mom's father with my sister. I have seen him only three times since reaching adulthood, and those were the first visits in many years. My Grandma always monopolized and controlled the conversations, so it was impossible to ever really visit him. She passed away last year, and I'm really looking forward to an actual visit with him. We will be seeing other relatives too, and I hope it will be a refreshing trip for all of us. When we get back, COLLEGE!!!!!! WHOOHOO!!!!!

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